Did you hear the story recently about the student accused of rape at St. Paul's School in New Hampshire?
I followed the story closely last month for a number of reasons:
1) I have more time to watch the news now, while I'm giving Thomas a bottle. Who knew having an infant would keep me so informed?
2) We just visited the St. Paul's campus last April because one of my siblings in-law was a professor there for the past five years.
3) Being a "boy mom" somehow already makes me more aware of harassment allegations, and the conversations we need to have with our children about sex.
4) Finally, I found it particularly interesting that these students primarily come from very affluent families, and the news kept mentioning the students called as witnesses first consulted their family lawyers before they testified.
I got to thinking, what if we kept ministers on retainer and sought their advice for ourselves and our children?
Don't get me wrong. I love the thought of having an attorney on retainer just in case your family needs one. (Shout-out to the one & only Steve C. and how he offers endless support to our family, especially since my dad's unexpected death in 2012. There was this one time that we were fighting for custody of our paternal grandfather and preparing all kinds of legal documents, and there was Steve, in the very late hours at night, through all the drama, right along with us - offering his wise, invaluable legal counsel. Just because he loves my brother and our family. And because he's super smart and would be a great undercover agent someday. He is the man.)
But really... what if as communities, our mindset was to seek counsel from ministers, those trained in the scriptures and truth, to give us advice, suggestions, wisdom?
What if we got together and financially supported more ministers, Young Life leaders, wise seminary grads, and theologians like Richard Colquitt? I don't even know how to do that. Just find someone and say "here's some cash, I know you don't get paid NEAR what you deserve?" I know oil and gas brings in the big dollars. But it's a shame that we don't pay our pastors (and our teachers) more. A lot more. It seems to me that ministers make giant sacrifices (time, money, energy) and our families just reap the reward. Immediately I think of Mike Maddry and the incredible gift of his faith and leadership at Memorial and other schools through his time as a Young Life minister. Without a doubt, the work he did and the relationships he grew continue to "produce fruit." (I know this term is cliche but I can't think of anything better so...suggestions welcome.)
I hope to not overstate or exaggerate this, but... I cannot imagine that my life would look the same if Richard Colquitt had not left his law practice to become a minister. Seriously, let me repeat that:
I cannot imagine that my life would look the same if Richard Colquitt had not left his law practice to become a minister.
He and his wife told me that my dad had died, the night of his accident. My mom was in Marble Falls and couldn't get to Houston fast enough to tell us herself, so she asked Susan and Richard to do it.
They prayed over us and for us in the days and weeks and months that followed. Their strength gave us strength.
Richard counseled Drew and I as our wedding approached, and some days I couldn't fathom how we'd have the wedding without Dad. Some days I did not know how I'd breathe, let alone walk down the aisle without him.
But, Richard helped us know that life goes on and God is still good and he performed the ceremony that I will remember and cherish forever. The ceremony was so honoring of my dad, and what he would want: few tears, abundant joy. Richard led us in our vows to God and to each other, and I am so thankful for him.
Which brings me back to my point: what if we didn't have access to this minister, this wise man, who has spent years studying scripture and taking classes and learning Hebrew and/or Greek and languages I have no clue about, so that he can better understand Christ, and in turn, help others like me and Drew do the same?
Marriage is hard.
Most of us do not ever post to Facebook or Instagram about arguments or tough issues. We post about fun activities and things we want to document for ourselves. But what if we need to document the tough stuff for others? What if I need to shout from the rooftops DREW AND I GET COUNSELING!!!!! so that someone else feels okay seeking counsel too?
It's true, Drew and I get counseling. We probably waited too long to seek it out (2.5 years) but we met with Richard and Susan this summer to seek wisdom for our marriage. Wisdom not from the world.
For follow up, we spent a few hours with Richard talking through scripture and wisdom and stuff - I'll share details of Richard's advice for us soon.
When I posted about grief counseling years ago, I blogged that our family is at times a "shit show" (if Jen Hatmaker can say jackass I can say that, right?) Anyways, by sharing with the blogosphere that our family needed counseling in our time of immense pain and grief, I can now tell you several specific people who have seen or are currently seeing a counselor because they read my ramblings. Oh how affirming that is for me to keep rambling!
This post is too long already, so soon I will come back with some practical tips Richard and Su gave us that have been so helpful to us lately. In short, Drew and I have needed counsel this summer. We still love each other for example, when Drew went to Austin overnight for work recently, we really missed each other and it was just one night apart. I couldn't wait for him to be home! (Isn't that so sweet? Vomit.)
Yes, we love each other, but yes, marriage is hard and there are tense times. And my goodness, am I thankful that we are able to call Richard and Susan, and they have us over to their home, cook us a feast, and share their wisdom with us. Aren't we lucky to have these ministers on retainer? And aren't we thankful that my mom encourages us to call Rev. RPC and his beautiful bride? I wonder and feel guilty almost about what other couples must do if they don't have Susan's number saved in their phone and can't ask Rev. RPC for free wisdom. Gosh, we are thankful for them and the time they give us.
To sum up: Marriage is really, really hard. And really, really terrific. And ministers are fabulous. Sometimes the bible can be just words on a page to me. But, Richard gave us a few passages to focus on for our specific season and what we're struggling with, and it was eye-opening, practical, and awesome.
Enough rambling for now.
Thank you, sweet friends, for reading and loving us. You are the bees knees.
