happy new year! {reflections on 2013, part two}

Recently I saw the movie “August: Osage County”-though that is a whole post for another day- Julia Roberts’ character has just lost a close family member in a sudden accident and says:

 “Thank God we can’t tell the future. We’d never get out of bed.”

When those words hit my ears, I kind of felt like someone socked me in the stomach. We went through a lot at the end of 2012 and spent 2013 still reeling from the shock. Through each day, I learned things, gradually, things about life, myself, my family, grace, the world... This is the second part of a post about lessons from 2013. So here we go.

6) We all need to be heard.

My family saw a family counselor several times together summer 2013. Because we've had a few instances, we’ll call them melt downs, where everything has come pretty close to blowing up. Life seemed to be, for a few moments, spinning completely out of control. My brother and I have always argued and been really good at it, but now, our family dynamic out of whack and grief in places we didn't even know it – we needed help. The professional kind. Either that, or we needed to sign a contract for a reality show because we were having “made for TV” train wreck moments.

And Dr. Bourne taught us, through tears and listening and trying to put our grief into words, that we all need to be heard. That as a family, the three of us (plus sweet Amy & patient Drew) didn't know how to communicate. We all talked, he said, and no one listened. He was like... a genius!

Though we do not need agreement, we need acceptance of what we are saying from those that love us. Dr. Bourne explained that I needed to listen to my brother, but I did not have to agree with my brother. Nor should I expect him to agree with me.

We all need to be heard by those we love. And, in turn, we all need to listen. Such a simple concept, yet it has been a game changer for getting along with my closest peeps.

7) Singing is healing.

I have found that church is really, really healing, and really, really hard. As I’ve tried to figure out why, it's occurred to me: it’s not hearing scripture that’s hard, or seeing friends, or listening to the sermon – it’s the singing. The words and the sound and the being still - singing, though painful, has been very healing. I am incredibly thankful for musically inclined who write and play music because I can do neither, and it’s good for my soul.

8) People, above all else, matter.

My dad’s financial provisions for our family have been so wonderful, don’t get me wrong. Truly, wonderful, and have brought much peace, stability, and comfort to my mom and my brother and myself. However, without my parent’s friends, without his friends from various stages of life, and without my own friends, and my husband, and Amy, and the Carrigans, and all of you that love on us and care for us….all the “financial security” would be meaningless. In the end, people matter above everything else. And though my dad had great life insurance policies and investments and budgets in place, more important to him were his connections, and networks: the work out guys, his friends from middle school/high school/college, his favorite federal agent, his study group, his young life leader Luke, his chapelwood softball team – all these people who have loved us so well in his absence. One of my dad’s annual goals in 2011 was to spend time with William Chenoweth – written in there among different business goals, he wanted to be sure his calendar had plenty of room for baseball and his friend. He wanted to be sure his staff was aware of his priorities. I need to mimic that idea.

People, above all else, matter.

9) My mom is my hero.

I relearn this almost daily. The stuff she has been through... wow. Sometimes it feels like the hits just keep coming – my uncle totaling his truck and closely avoiding seriously hurting himself in an accident. My aunt getting breast cancer. My grandfather and great-grandfather dying. My brother and I being the jerks we can be. She’s ramped up her business full throttle. She’s traveled with New York Life and spoken about my dad’s career six times. She’s mastered a teleprompter beautifully! She loves on people. She smiles. Shoot, she gets out of bed everyday! She brings us all such laughter and joy and she’s also shown us it’s okay to just be ticked off every now and then. She's modeled forgiving and taking the higher road, more times than she should have had to. 

You've seen those commercials for the Olympics where they have the hot-shot athletes as little kids, and it shows how much their moms do for them? Gentry & I, unfortunately, are not Olympics material. But, our mom deserves one of those commercials nonetheless.

10) Untimely death can make you bold.

Faith has pulled us through this thick muck. I should loudly give God the credit for all he has done for our family and all he has provided. I know that there are kids out there (and adults, too!) that never had the chance to have the gifts we’ve had (healthy great-grandparents, an amazing-terrific-rare-find-totally-awesome Dad) and that God has not been “unfair” to us and God did not cause the plane accident. I should be much bolder in crediting God when people ask how we’re doing or how we get on without TWR.

11) It is good to be silly.

I’ve got lots of notes on this theory, how it is a good thing to be ridiculous. It’s actually enough to save for a full post, soon, so for now, enough from me. 

Thank you, so very much, for reading. You are awesome.

Happy 2014 & Love,

Courtney

happy new year! {reflections on 2013, part one}

2013 was a loooooong year. A wonderful year! A year of grieving, a year of celebrating, a roller coaster of emotions. The Houston marathon was this weekend and I mentioned to Drew – remember last year when it was really cold and rainy and I stayed in bed but you went out to watch your friend? 

He responded: “Wow, was that really only last year? Feels like so much longer.”

Drew and I got married on December 31, 2012, so 2013 started off new and fresh immediatly. It was a year full of firsts, full of learning about marriage, full of pinching myself that he had actually said “I do.” 

Every year brings learning- about the world, about yourself, about life. I’ve written a few year-end wrap ups before, but I can easily say 2013 brought the most joys, most pain, and most learning I’ve ever experienced in a 365 day window. So I’ll share a few lessons if you’re interested. If you’re not, I’d certainly understand. J

 1) You. Cannot. Control. Death. 

Not yours, not loved ones, not your parents, nor can you control anything about death. But what you can control is what you do with the time you’re given to live.

I have much better days when I focus on what I can do with my life and days on earth than when I dwell on how my dad’s accident could have been prevented, or question why it happened at all. My maternal grandfather and great-grandfather both died in 2013, and I’m still adjusting to the reality that they’re not here anymore. But we had them both longer than we “should” have, and for their memories I am forever grateful. 

2) Vacations are grrrrrrrreat. Time away from the hurried pace of daily life is marvelous. Getting to go on a honeymoon with Drew was incredible. It was great to start married life with a reminder that alone time is good, a break from daily routine is good, and traveling is important to both of us. And also, room service may be one of the greatest inventions ever. Blueberry pancakes? Yes, please! Smores in the hot tub? Don't mind if I do! 

3) We are not leaving this earth with anything.

We got robbed in June, and a lot of sentimental stuff was lost, permanently. It could have been worse and homeowners insurance covered a lot, but. I lost jewelry that was passed down, as well as my Dad’s iPad, and all the photos on our laptops and cameras – honeymoon pictures, rehearsal dinner pictures, pictures from Gentry & Amy’s wedding weekend, the list goes on. But when I calmed down and really thought about it, all that mattered was that we were safe. All that was missing were things that will eventually fade away anyway. It was a good lesson to attempt to stop storing up treasures here. Because it’s true, that old saying – you can’t take it with ya when ya go. Putting too much value in any object, even the sentimental ones that remind us of others, is not good. Being robbed will teach you very quickly that less is more.

4) Darkness is all around us.

I know that sounds negative at first glance, but I think acknowledging this darkness gives us more ammo to fight it. Manipulative, petty people. Oh they just seem to come out of the woodwork sometimes, don’t they!? Liars, thieves, selfish, bitter, scum sucking people. But you can either let them consume you and take over your happiness, or you can realize that’s satan trying to get in the way of you living. I would hate to sound like Joel Osteen here, but…satan is trying to keep us from living the life we’re meant to be lived. I learned that in 2013. I also saw a quote that came from Harry Potter actually, that says “Happiness can be found, even in the darkness of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” And not just Harry Potter thinks this, but the Bible too: “In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5-6

5) Jesus is the light of the world.

Cliché, I know, but if you read point #4 you need to know point #5. This world is maddening, has plenty of evil and darkness, but it also has, light. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Joy. Faith. Abundant grace.

I will never, ever forget the light that poured from the children at the Tree of Life, a community of homes full of Zambian orphans in Africa. Children who had been rescued from the streets, and brought to live in homes, with a house mother, and a toilet, and comfy bed, and brothers or sisters, and food, and school. Most of them never had any of those things before: a bed, regular food, school, running water, love. And all of them still had little compared to us in America – can you imagine growing up with three siblings all living in your room? Gosh we’d complain to our friends! Can you imagine having just enough clothes to take up one drawer and one quarter of a closet? Gosh we’d think we were poor! But these children, you can see it in their eyes and feel it in their hugs, and hear it in their voices when they sing praises to God – they are filled with light. I will never forget their eyes.

I wrote down five more major lessons of 2013 – six actually, but I feel as though I’m rambling now as I type from my pages. So for now, that’s all. 5 things to think about heading into to 2014.

I wonder how God will use the next year to teach us, to love on us, to make us better stewards of his grace. I wonder what doors will close and what windows will open.  I don’t know much, but I know that God will always be there and will always be good.