Hello, sweet readers!
In the last post, I shared notes from a bible study I attended led by Pam Thompson - dealing with difficult people. I shared her notes on identifying "very tricky people" in our own lives and also some examples from the scriptures. Today, Pam answers the question "What in the WORLD do I do about this person in my life, this person that is so difficult and exhausting and often impossible to deal with!?"
Responses to Very Tricky People:
A) Admit it. Acknowledge who are your tricky people. (We usually have 1-4. If you can list 12, or 18, you might want to think about yourself as the tricky person. :) )
B) Distance yourself. Especially if it is not a relative who you need to see on a regular basis. If you have truly tried with this person to work things out, and they're "stealing your joy" it may be time to breakaway. In Genesis 13, God gives us a biblical example - Abram and Lot split up. They part ways because of bickering between their people. Life is too short - sometimes, Pam says, distance is a good thing.
C) People Related to You Who Are Tricky
If your tricky person is related to you - your mother, your sister, your father-in-law, etc - you cannot quite apply the same tactics as if they're not a relative. You're going to see this person at Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc. So there are some different ways to approach the relationship with that person when you cannot just put distance.
1) Do not place your hope in thinking they will miraculously change. The enemy has a pattern to rob you of your joy. When that difficult person does the same thing they always do, and you spend time being shocked or surprised by it - that is on you.
2) Realize your person has encountered much pain and perceive them as handicapped. (IE, cannot have the same expectations of them as you of others.)
3) Acceptance vs Resignation. Step back so the Lord can work. (IE the prodigal son, the father had to let go for awhile before things were resolved.)
4) Speak the truth in love. (Resist anger, bitterness, etc.)
5) Maintain boundaries. Only let the Lord have your heart.
6) Pray. Pray for that person, for the relationship, etc.
Psalm 86:11 "Give me an undivided heart, Lord."
Releasing Intense Emotions
Dealing with people who are truly difficult (selfish, manipulative, immature, characteristics previously discussed) can be emotionally draining. Here's how to prevent that...
A) Dump it on the Lord. He is bigger than this situation, he can carry your burden, he's got this.
B) Go read the Psalms. This will soften your heart. Psalm 55:17, Psalm 55:22-23, Psalm 55:1-3 - Say, Lord, I do not want this to be my story. I want to get past it.
C) If this continues, talk to a third person about negative emotions, seek wise counsel.
D) God uses frustrating people and events in our lives to help us grow.
E) No offense by another person can equal our guilt before the Lord. Because of his bloodshed, we are forgiven for being very tricky people ourselves.
2 Tim 4:14 - "I am going to let the Lord deal with that! Be on guard. I'm forgiving him/her, but I'm going to keep boundaries."
Hopefully this has helped you as it's helped me! Thank you, Pam, for your teaching!
Showing posts with label bible study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bible study. Show all posts
Monday, September 5, 2016
Dealing with Difficult People: Part One
Last spring, I attended Pam Thompson's bible study for women at Second Baptist, and have been planning to type up my notes because it is just SUCH good stuff that I need to remember and reread. So I'm sharing it with you, too. (Learn more about Pam's study and get the link to sign up for Tuesdays this fall at 10 am at this post. You don't have to go to Second Baptist to attend - for example, Drew and I go to Grace Bible Church in the Heights.)
Pam's semester was focused on being a "Godly woman," something that may sound generic or a bit "pie in the sky", but she got down to specifics quickly. The sessions I attended were about dealing with difficult people. We all deal with frustrating people from time to time, right? People who seem to be very self-focused, or manipulative, or just constantly immature. Can you think of a person who is consistently hard to deal with in your life? Okay, then you'll get something out of Pam's study.
She starts out by reminding us that the bible teaches us this: Count it pure joy when you face trails, because it makes you a stronger person. (Paraphrased, James 1:2-4.)
But sometimes when I'm dealing with a person who is SO DIFFICULT AND EXHAUSTING, it's really not that helpful to remind myself to be joyful because God is making me a stronger person. Amiright?! So Pam goes on to give us lots of practical ways to suck it up and deal, and to make it easier to deal with this person, too.
Pam asked us: Who has the enemy used in your life to rob you of your joy? Typically there are 1-4 people in your life that fit this criteria. (What a great way to ask that question - immediately I'm convicted that I let this person/people get to me, impact my joyful attitude, ruin my day, etc. But I'm in charge of myself. They should not run the show. It's my fault if I let them...)
Characteristics of "Very Tricky People":
A) Emotionally Blind - They do not "see" you or your side.
B) Emotionally Deaf - They do not hear your heart, or when you try to explain things.
C) Verbal Immaturity - They often say the wrong thing, they cannot apologize, they are very easily offended, they are complainers.
D) High Level of Control - Their opinion matters. Their way or the highway - it is all about them.
E) Not Walking in the Truth - Their lies are their reality. They believe their own reality. The enemy wants us to be bitter towards that person, but then they become our "story."
Biblical Examples of "Very Tricky People":
(Sidenote from me - I had not even realized that the Bible contains pain-in-the-toosh people. Of course it does!)
Pam talked about how these people are redeemed, but they are "so messed up." Jesus had tricky people all around him - Judas! Even one of his twelve closest people was difficult to put up with.
A) Adam - selfish
B) Cain - murdered his brother
C) Abraham - great man, but tricky, asked his wife to lie for him, etc.
D) Sarah - despised Hagar
E) Jacob
F) Joseph's brothers - envious, controlling, threw Joseph in a pit to die
G) Judas
H) Peter - great guy, but denies Jesus repeatedly
I) Alexander the Coppersmith (2 Tim)
J) Nabel - 1 Samuel 25
"We can become like our "tricky person" if we are not careful. We will match anger with anger, bitterness, etc.
We must remind ourselves that the Lord is my banner, and His banner over me is love!" -Pam
Pam spent a lot of time with the example of Nabel and his wife Abigail - I was unfamiliar with this story in 1 Samuel. Go read 1 Samuel 25 - here's a link to the online passage.
So Nabel, Abigail's husband, was a very tricky man. The bible says right there - he was mean. But Pam discussed how Nabel is NOT Abigail's story. She was bigger than him.
Abigail speaks life, and changes the atmosphere. She knows who she is in Christ - her identity is not her husband. She compensated for her husband's weaknesses - but she did NOT enable them. She doesn't cover them up and say "Oh that's not what he meant." She walked in the truth. And yes, it turns out, Abigail married a fool, but she maintained respect because she had unconditional love, through the Lord.
So to me, Abigail's story was eye-opening, but at the same time, hard to break down the steps for today's world. For starters, we don't ride donkeys or sheer sheep - not in my part of Houston, at least. So Pam gives us practical responses to those people in our lives who are total pain-in-the-tooshes. But I'm going to save those notes for the next post!
(click here for part two)
to sign up for pam's fall study on tuesdays at 10 am, click here. childcare provided!
Pam's semester was focused on being a "Godly woman," something that may sound generic or a bit "pie in the sky", but she got down to specifics quickly. The sessions I attended were about dealing with difficult people. We all deal with frustrating people from time to time, right? People who seem to be very self-focused, or manipulative, or just constantly immature. Can you think of a person who is consistently hard to deal with in your life? Okay, then you'll get something out of Pam's study.
She starts out by reminding us that the bible teaches us this: Count it pure joy when you face trails, because it makes you a stronger person. (Paraphrased, James 1:2-4.)
But sometimes when I'm dealing with a person who is SO DIFFICULT AND EXHAUSTING, it's really not that helpful to remind myself to be joyful because God is making me a stronger person. Amiright?! So Pam goes on to give us lots of practical ways to suck it up and deal, and to make it easier to deal with this person, too.
Pam asked us: Who has the enemy used in your life to rob you of your joy? Typically there are 1-4 people in your life that fit this criteria. (What a great way to ask that question - immediately I'm convicted that I let this person/people get to me, impact my joyful attitude, ruin my day, etc. But I'm in charge of myself. They should not run the show. It's my fault if I let them...)
Characteristics of "Very Tricky People":
A) Emotionally Blind - They do not "see" you or your side.
B) Emotionally Deaf - They do not hear your heart, or when you try to explain things.
C) Verbal Immaturity - They often say the wrong thing, they cannot apologize, they are very easily offended, they are complainers.
D) High Level of Control - Their opinion matters. Their way or the highway - it is all about them.
E) Not Walking in the Truth - Their lies are their reality. They believe their own reality. The enemy wants us to be bitter towards that person, but then they become our "story."
Biblical Examples of "Very Tricky People":
(Sidenote from me - I had not even realized that the Bible contains pain-in-the-toosh people. Of course it does!)
Pam talked about how these people are redeemed, but they are "so messed up." Jesus had tricky people all around him - Judas! Even one of his twelve closest people was difficult to put up with.
A) Adam - selfish
B) Cain - murdered his brother
C) Abraham - great man, but tricky, asked his wife to lie for him, etc.
D) Sarah - despised Hagar
E) Jacob
F) Joseph's brothers - envious, controlling, threw Joseph in a pit to die
G) Judas
H) Peter - great guy, but denies Jesus repeatedly
I) Alexander the Coppersmith (2 Tim)
J) Nabel - 1 Samuel 25
"We can become like our "tricky person" if we are not careful. We will match anger with anger, bitterness, etc.
We must remind ourselves that the Lord is my banner, and His banner over me is love!" -Pam
Pam spent a lot of time with the example of Nabel and his wife Abigail - I was unfamiliar with this story in 1 Samuel. Go read 1 Samuel 25 - here's a link to the online passage.
So Nabel, Abigail's husband, was a very tricky man. The bible says right there - he was mean. But Pam discussed how Nabel is NOT Abigail's story. She was bigger than him.
Abigail speaks life, and changes the atmosphere. She knows who she is in Christ - her identity is not her husband. She compensated for her husband's weaknesses - but she did NOT enable them. She doesn't cover them up and say "Oh that's not what he meant." She walked in the truth. And yes, it turns out, Abigail married a fool, but she maintained respect because she had unconditional love, through the Lord.
So to me, Abigail's story was eye-opening, but at the same time, hard to break down the steps for today's world. For starters, we don't ride donkeys or sheer sheep - not in my part of Houston, at least. So Pam gives us practical responses to those people in our lives who are total pain-in-the-tooshes. But I'm going to save those notes for the next post!
(click here for part two)
to sign up for pam's fall study on tuesdays at 10 am, click here. childcare provided!
Pam Thompson's Bible Study
Last spring, I did something that was awesome, but felt so very weird every time I did.
I joined a Tuesday morning women's bible study. At 10 am.
"I should be at work!!!!" my mind screamed. For eight years since college, I have not been "free" at 10 am on a Tuesday morning. It felt sort of absurd. But my life changed so fast when Thomas was born in June 2015 - and I've slowly, over the course of a year, adjusted to the fact that I am a part-time SAHM. (Stay at home mom. Apparently there is an abbreviation for everything.) Sidenote, I am constantly reminded, mostly through conversations with others, that I am incredibly lucky to get to work three days a week and be with Thomas for the other two. I feel so grateful for that and promise myself to never grumble or take it for granted.
Anyways, so on a Tuesday in January, my sister in law Amy and I planned to meet at Pam's bible study. I dropped six month old Thomas off in the childcare building, where he was the only one in the class for that week, and a sweet lady promised to take excellent care of him for the next 50 minutes.
Before I tell you more, I will tell you this: I cannot wait for Pam's fall bible study to start. This was the BEST use of my Tuesday morning - and somedays it felt like quite the feat to get Thomas dressed and me presentable and his bag packed and out the door to be at Second Baptist by 10 am. But I learned so much, felt recharged from Pam's teachings for the week, and we usually got to play with Clare and Amy after the study. A win for all!
Do you know Pam Thompson? She is amazing. I got to know her when she was a Renovate client (my mom is an interior designer and her firm/storefront is called Renovate, and I work for her. Or she works for me...depends who you ask.) Anyways, it was a neat perspective to meet Pam outside of her study - to see how genuine she is, and to see how she really shares herself and her life when she is leading. I felt the same sitting in her living room with just my mom, Pam, and myself, as I did sitting in a pew with over one hundred women listening to her share wisdom from the Bible.
Also, we should note that Pam is a bubbly, energetic, beautiful blonde, long and lean, but somehow pulls off her beauty without being intimidating. I show up for her class in workout clothes, simply thankful my teeth have been brushed and Thomas is wearing pants. Yet I feel welcomed and not out of place. Pam is, as they say, the real deal.
Okay, so after all this, here is my pitch for you women to join Pam's study on Tuesday's at 10. Whether you're a young mom or not as young mom, or if you're not a mom but your schedule allows it, I highly recommend signing up for Pam's study that meets in the Second Baptist chapel once a week. Here is the link. Pam also teaches on Wednesdays at the West/Katy location for you west-siders.
Because this post is long enough already, I'm going to divide up the teaching from last spring into another post - or maybe two. She taught about "difficult" people and how to deal with them - how there are actually "difficult" people in scripture. I was pretty blown away by the examples she gave and the tactics she shared for dealing with difficult people. It was a good reminder that universally, we all deal with some pretty tricky people in our lives - people who are manipulative, hurtful, selfish, etc. But it's been hard for me to know what to do with them. Love your enemy and all that sure, but Pam has practical, real ways to move forward with your life and not let that difficult pain-in-the-toosh person be your "story."
So check back for my summary of Pam's teaching.
I joined a Tuesday morning women's bible study. At 10 am.
"I should be at work!!!!" my mind screamed. For eight years since college, I have not been "free" at 10 am on a Tuesday morning. It felt sort of absurd. But my life changed so fast when Thomas was born in June 2015 - and I've slowly, over the course of a year, adjusted to the fact that I am a part-time SAHM. (Stay at home mom. Apparently there is an abbreviation for everything.) Sidenote, I am constantly reminded, mostly through conversations with others, that I am incredibly lucky to get to work three days a week and be with Thomas for the other two. I feel so grateful for that and promise myself to never grumble or take it for granted.
Anyways, so on a Tuesday in January, my sister in law Amy and I planned to meet at Pam's bible study. I dropped six month old Thomas off in the childcare building, where he was the only one in the class for that week, and a sweet lady promised to take excellent care of him for the next 50 minutes.
Before I tell you more, I will tell you this: I cannot wait for Pam's fall bible study to start. This was the BEST use of my Tuesday morning - and somedays it felt like quite the feat to get Thomas dressed and me presentable and his bag packed and out the door to be at Second Baptist by 10 am. But I learned so much, felt recharged from Pam's teachings for the week, and we usually got to play with Clare and Amy after the study. A win for all!
Do you know Pam Thompson? She is amazing. I got to know her when she was a Renovate client (my mom is an interior designer and her firm/storefront is called Renovate, and I work for her. Or she works for me...depends who you ask.) Anyways, it was a neat perspective to meet Pam outside of her study - to see how genuine she is, and to see how she really shares herself and her life when she is leading. I felt the same sitting in her living room with just my mom, Pam, and myself, as I did sitting in a pew with over one hundred women listening to her share wisdom from the Bible.
Also, we should note that Pam is a bubbly, energetic, beautiful blonde, long and lean, but somehow pulls off her beauty without being intimidating. I show up for her class in workout clothes, simply thankful my teeth have been brushed and Thomas is wearing pants. Yet I feel welcomed and not out of place. Pam is, as they say, the real deal.
Okay, so after all this, here is my pitch for you women to join Pam's study on Tuesday's at 10. Whether you're a young mom or not as young mom, or if you're not a mom but your schedule allows it, I highly recommend signing up for Pam's study that meets in the Second Baptist chapel once a week. Here is the link. Pam also teaches on Wednesdays at the West/Katy location for you west-siders.
Because this post is long enough already, I'm going to divide up the teaching from last spring into another post - or maybe two. She taught about "difficult" people and how to deal with them - how there are actually "difficult" people in scripture. I was pretty blown away by the examples she gave and the tactics she shared for dealing with difficult people. It was a good reminder that universally, we all deal with some pretty tricky people in our lives - people who are manipulative, hurtful, selfish, etc. But it's been hard for me to know what to do with them. Love your enemy and all that sure, but Pam has practical, real ways to move forward with your life and not let that difficult pain-in-the-toosh person be your "story."
So check back for my summary of Pam's teaching.
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