down the aisle

In a world with a lot of unknowns, I am focusing on what I do know. 

My dad died in a plane crash on September 8, doing something he loved in his most beloved part of the country- the Texas Hill Country.

I cannot fathom why his engine stopped working, why his plane crashed to the ground, why his body never regained consciousness and why we’re forced to go on without him. Perhaps I’ll think about that more when there is more time, but it is likely we are not meant to understand, and the busyness of this time in life will keep us from wondering too much.

For now, as much as I can, I focus on what I do know. There is a God. God is love. My family is amazing. I am beyond blessed with an incredible fiance, who is a confidant, best friend, and partner in crime. My friends are some of the most loving, generous, funny people on this planet. My mom is stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for before September 8. My mom is weak and tenderhearted in the right moments. Our memories are incredible.

For now, I also know that there is a wedding on the calendar. My dad, along with my mom, gave his blessing for Drew Prochaska to ask me to be his wife. Drew asked. We planned – a venue, a date, a budget, worship songs, a plan – much of it was nailed down when my dad was still very much a part of our lives. I know that I am immensely thankful for the timing of all these wedding plans – we had signed contracts for a New Years Eve wedding and toured Union Station with my dad and my mom. We were ready to get this party started.

For now, I know this wedding is fast approaching, and that is just how my dad would want it. Though it is awful and often unfathomable that he will not be on earth for this wedding, it is what it is.

The calendar tells me that three weeks from today I will become a wife. My heart is conflicted. I could not be more ecstatic or more in love – literally, without a doubt, I am thankful for the peace that surrounds our relationship and the certainty with which both of us know the other is “it.” We make a great team and we’re ready to be officially married & make commitments to God and each other.

But my heart is sad. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that my dad died. We got an email today about my dad’s plane insurance claim- and in the midst of busyness at my office, I realized – it happened. His plane crashed. There was an ambulance and medical expenses and donated corneas and a cremation and a memorial service. There was a death. My heart hurts. My body physically feels pain. But, my heart knows something else – my heart knows that there is a God. God is love. One of my dad’s favorite verses is a promise, a mantra, a reality – Jesus said to a thief hanging on the cross next to him: “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)  

I believe that with everything I have. There’s a worship song by a band called “Addison Road” that says “Everything rides on faith now, everything rides on hope, somehow.”

And now, somehow, I’m a bride with too many blessings to count. How many brides have great-grandfathers in excellent physical and mental shape who will attend their wedding? My great-grandfather Earl, who we call Popa, is 96. He is a man of character and substance and humor and above all, love. He and his wife, Mary Ella, were married for seventy-four years and I have written about them a few times. you can click here 

(me & popa on my first birthday)

I am so excited and honored to have Popa, a man I have admired for decades, walk me down the aisle December 31.

I have always loved his stories, and have very fond memories of sitting in his lap or leaning against him and admiring his hands. His hands are always soft, but manly, and seem to tell a story of their own – as if his long fingers and their wrinkles have had their own adventures over time.

He certainly has had his own share of adventures, traveling the world with my great-grandmother. He worked his way up at the Southland company (founders of 7-11) first handling tasks like delivering ice and then later becoming a senior executive as the head of their accounting department.

Popa has an air of humility about him – always a great listener, and if you want him to talk about himself, you’ll likely have to draw the story out of him.

In many ways, my dad and Popa always reminded me of the other – daring. Fun loving. Adventurous. Charming. Hardworking. Dedicated to family. Extremely loving. Devoted husbands. They’re both far from perfect, yet they seem to be magnets for others around them, holding families together, developing long friendships, and setting high standards for the men that follow after them.

(Popa &Dear, 1930s)

I love my Dad and think of him countless times every day, and I am in no way going to replace the giant hole in my heart the day of my wedding. But I know that God has taught me time on earth with loved ones is a gift. On my wedding day, I will be so thankful. Thankful to know how proud my Dad is and was of me, and thankful that I have this wise, amazing great-grandfather to help me smile on my wedding day. He knows loss well, since his wife just passed away last January. We both have fresh wounds, we’ll both be missing my great-grandmother and my dad, two people who would have LOVED to attend my wedding.

On the phone recently with Popa, I said, "I think Dear & Dad will be VERY proud of us together." And his reply was perfect, and turned my sniffles back to a big smile: "Well, of course! I think they damn sure ought to be!" And his cheerful laugh filled the phone. 

In a few weeks, a wedding will happen. 

We will not pretend we’re fine. We will not forget our loved ones. But we will not dwell in our sorrow or grief. We will not let the unknowns overcome us. 

We will find peace in what we know: God is good. God is love. Grace is everywhere.