goin to the chapel

Marriage.  It’s what many young girls spend a bulk of their time dreaming about: the wedding, , the dress, and the life that follows. Someone to have and to hold, for the rest of their life. A promise that someone will be there, in the best and worst times, forever, no matter what.

I wake up married everyday lately. Let me repeat that, and wave my hands in the air, and jump around: I WAKE UP MARRIED EVERYDAY!!!

Lately, I've felt called to brag on people and others a lot more than usual. I do not tell my mom nearly enough that she is remarkable, and awesome, and strong, and that I love her more than all my favorite things on this planet. I rarely tell my brother out loud that I’m so proud of him, yet I think it often.

While I don’t have many regrets related to my dad, his death has taught me that it’s silly to hold things back. Say things out loud. Most of my writing has been rambling about places I’ve traveled and adventures in teaching, and the occasional post about special people. But I rarely write about my wonderful Drew. (and loyal reader/roommate Steph has called me out on it.)

First, I was hesitant to seem like my life had changed just because I had a boyfriend. Would I be one of those people who only who write about him? Who wants to hear that? And then…my blog would die and just be a nauseating online diary about my crush. I didn’t want that.

Then, months passed, I was in love, I didn’t know where to start.

Now, we’re here. My last name has changed; I made vows to God in front of a whole lot of wonderful people that I would love this man for the rest of my days. And he did the same for me.

I have so many things I want to tell people when they ask how I am, or how is Drew, or: “How’s married life?” There are so many things I want to tell people, lists of things about marriage for which I am thankful.

Mostly, I am so grateful my parents never wanted me to “date just to date.” Their example was one that you should fall head over heels, have something imperfect yet full of laughter and light, and be tied to someone who is willing to work at marriage just as much as you are willing.

I’ve liked my fair share of guys. Drew recently said “You had a lot of crushes. I don’t know if I ever had a crush on a girl.” I turned my head away from the movie we were watching to look directly at him.  “Yea, because you’re a guy. If I was a dude, I’d have asked them to dinner. But instead I “had a crush” and nothing came of it.” We both laughed.

I told you, I ramble. So, what’s it like to be married? Well, I find myself the same person. I am not more complete or completely changed or no longer needy or insecure. Instead, I have this person who has promised to help make me a better person, to push me in my faith, to encourage me to live boldly and love others.

Drew & I have talked about how it’s unfair what we have – we want everyone to be as in love and crazy about the other and butterflies in your stomach as we are together. We tell each other that life together is "better than the best movie." See, this is why I don’t blog about Drew- doesn’t that make you want to vomit?

But we recognize what we have is a gift. We both are really good (if I do say so myself) at expressing to the other how much we appreciate the other.

Recently, Drew kissed me on the forehead as he was leaving for work. (And since it was still dark outside and very early, I was snuggled in bed.) He pulled back from me and whispered “This is so much better than everyone makes it cracked up to be.” I was sleepy. What was he saying? 

“What do you mean?” I mumbled. 

“Being married. To you. It’s even better than I thought it would be.”

And it’s the moments like that that make me want to run around in circles and down streets and through crowds, screaming to everyone:  it’s worth the wait, it’s worth being “picky”, it’s worth ignoring others who say you’re moving too fast or there’s plenty of time, don’t rush…

Marriage. It’s not a piece of cake but gosh, is it worth it when you find the right one.

My cup overflows.