Life is full of things we cannot understand, and things we
cannot change. But life is also full of choices, choices all around us.
I have been sad a LOT lately. I don’t understand the suddenness
of dad’s death, or even the reason for it. Could God not have pulled a miracle
and saved him? Could God have done something to prevent that engine from
malfunctioning? Maybe just thrown out a thunderstorm so that the conditions
were not conducive for flying September 8? WHY and HOW does God expect us to
get through Gentry’s wedding without Gentry’s hero, our Dad? Why? How? And how
do you give your son away to a girl you love so much with complete joy, when
your husband was taken from you in an instant and your heart is full of holes?
Our dad often said, life is not fair. He also said, all the
time, you don’t have anything to lose by trying. I thought of that preparing
for my wedding last December, that I owed it to Dad to try to have a blast, to
enjoy myself completely.
Dad never missed a good party. He was great at celebrating
others, rooting for his friends, slapping people on the back, and giving high
fives. He was our cheerleader. He was full of optimism, and he never missed a
chance to shine on the dance floor. He would have been all over this wedding-
from the ceremony, thanking God for his provision bringing Gentry and Amy
together, to the cake eating and the boogie-ing down.
And I don’t think Dad will miss this party. Just as our
friend Courtney Taylor wrote that she saw Dad all over my wedding, Dad will be
here for Gentry and Amy and my mom this time around, too.
Gentry, I’m not sure we’ve talked in person about the
immense peace and gratitude I felt pouring out of me the night Drew & I
were married. I knew it was not from me – I felt so lifted in prayer, from so
many faithful friends. Through Richard’s guidance, and Mom’s encouragement, we
celebrated. I was sad, sure, but I kept thinking over and over, the way to
honor Dad is to press on with the good time. Continue the plans we made while
he was on Earth. To quote Richard, though we did talk of grief, we talked more
of love.
I know it will be excruciating without Dad around. It will
not, for a second, be the same. But we make choices every day. And I pray that
we are able to choose joy on this BIG day. I pray that God will fill our hearts
with hope, with grace, with his strength. Dad would hate, completely hate, if
your wedding with Amy was anything shy of the time of your life.
You & Amy are going to be so happy, and you have been
through so much. I pray that you lean on each other, and your families, and
your ridiculous, awesome, ridiculously awesome friends, to make this an
incredible wedding weekend in Colorado.
Five years ago, you fell in love with Amy. That first kiss,
which you so vividly remember as the “first Friday in June” was the first of
thousands. This wedding will be one of the first big moments of life without
Dad by your side. But as much as we want him around, we don’t need him. We are
just fine, because of all he and mom taught us, all they poured into us, the
faith they passed down, and how much you are like him. I see Dad in you all the
time, and I hear his voice in yours. Even before he was gone, I saw his facial
expression in your face, and his twinkle in your eyes.
If you get worried or feel sad that Dad isn’t here on earth,
remember that where he is, is far better than we can fathom. As Lunden strummed
his guitar and we sang hymns at my wedding, holding Drew’s hands, I felt a
little bit of what Heaven must be like- such joy, such peace, such praise,
completely wrapped in love. And very soon, you will do the same with Amy, with
the mountains as your backdrop! I pray, as you get a glimpse of heaven, you
know without a doubt how much Dad lives on in you.
“I want you to live forever, underneath the sky so blue.”
No comments:
Post a Comment