"my friends are my estate" -emily dickinson

My heart continually bubbles over with joy and I feel that life is so good that I do not deserve it. I had a “mentor” – I know its cheesy but I lack a better word - who repeatedly emphasized the importance of friendship, friends who really know you and love you and care. I remember nodding in our discussion circle, thinking she was absolutely right, but that I was so blessed to never worry about lack of friends. High school was smooth sailing for me, surrounded by friendships that I did nothing to earn but I appreciated so very much. And then, I spent some time at TCU, definitely surrounded by some great people, and a few friends I still see regularly today (okay, not a few. Two.) Yet for whatever reason, my time there was pretty much a mess of a struggle with solitude, lonliness, disconnect. Looking back, I know there was a reason for the pain, and I have forgotten most of what I once thought was an unbearable hurt. I left TCU a stronger person, more aware of the fact that you don’t need 47 friends. You don’t need 37 missed calls on your birthday. (Though that’d be great.) You need a handful of people you can count on, you connect with, and you can run around getting in trouble with. (Or maybe that “get into trouble with” is just for too-loud, too-silly me.) Have you noticed the overwhelming number of television commercials that promise to erase your wrinkles, get rid of fine lines, make you look forever young? Well, laugh lines sound just fine to me, because it means you’ve spent your lives laughing and smiling and doing what god intended us to do on this planet: enjoy one another’s company. I have a friend, Mary, who is somewhere north of 35 and truly one of my best friends. Webster says that a friend is someone “attached to another by affection or esteem.” She may be an odd match for me to claim as a bestie, but by definition, that is what she is. I have a friend who is a doctor, and though she is not the doctor (the one about to move to Utah) she is a great friend. Though we are not glued at the hip and weeks may pass that we don’t see each other outside of the walls of our church, I think Dr. Britt absolutely rocks. I wish I saw her more. Fun, funny, full of adventure and wit, the kind of person we need more of in this world. Don’t forget mechanical bull riding Ali, and hipsters AndieKathleen, and the Jen Jenkins and Marnitas of this world, the Genies, Laurens, Crossleys in the 713…for them, and many others, I am forever thankful. I’ve been down the road of solitude before, and though enlightening, it was not easy. I’ve been down the road in DC, where you have 4 or 5 crazy people to call for Friday night plans. Those were some great four or five people, don’t get me wrong. Wouldn’t trade ‘em for a winning lottery ticket. But here I am, in Houston, with more fun people in my life than I had planned. If my laugh lines come early, that’s fine. Maybe I’ll stop looking like I’m seventeen. Maybe people will look at me and say, she must have more friends than she deserves. That girl must be blessed. And that will be just fine, because, visible laugh lines or not, that’s just how it is. I have more friends than I deserve. I am blessed. So thank you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being my friend. Hugs, crob