Dealing with Difficult People: Part One

Last spring, I attended Pam Thompson's bible study for women at Second Baptist, and have been planning to type up my notes because it is just SUCH good stuff that I need to remember and reread. So I'm sharing it with you, too. (Learn more about Pam's study and get the link to sign up for Tuesdays this fall at 10 am at this post. You don't have to go to Second Baptist to attend - for example, Drew and I go to Grace Bible Church in the Heights.) 

Pam's semester was focused on being a "Godly woman," something that may sound generic or a bit "pie in the sky", but she got down to specifics quickly. The sessions I attended were about dealing with difficult people. We all deal with frustrating people from time to time, right? People who seem to be very self-focused, or manipulative, or just constantly immature. Can you think of a person who is consistently hard to deal with in your life? Okay, then you'll get something out of Pam's study. 

She starts out by reminding us that the bible teaches us this: Count it pure joy when you face trails, because it makes you a stronger person. (Paraphrased, James 1:2-4.) 

But sometimes when I'm dealing with a person who is SO DIFFICULT AND EXHAUSTING, it's really not that helpful to remind myself to be joyful because God is making me a stronger person. Amiright?! So Pam goes on to give us lots of practical ways to suck it up and deal, and to make it easier to deal with this person, too. 

Pam asked us: Who has the enemy used in your life to rob you of your joy? Typically there are 1-4 people in your life that fit this criteria. (What a great way to ask that question - immediately I'm convicted that I let this person/people get to me, impact my joyful attitude, ruin my day, etc. But I'm in charge of myself. They should not run the show. It's my fault if I let them...) 

Characteristics of "Very Tricky People":

A) Emotionally Blind - They do not "see" you or your side. 
B) Emotionally Deaf - They do not hear your heart, or when you try to explain things. 
C) Verbal Immaturity - They often say the wrong thing, they cannot apologize, they are very easily offended, they are complainers. 
D) High Level of Control - Their opinion matters. Their way or the highway - it is all about them. 
E) Not Walking in the Truth - Their lies are their reality. They believe their own reality. The enemy wants us to be bitter towards that person, but then they become our "story." 

Biblical Examples of "Very Tricky People":

(Sidenote from me - I had not even realized that the Bible contains pain-in-the-toosh people. Of course it does!) 

Pam talked about how these people are redeemed, but they are "so messed up." Jesus had tricky people all around him - Judas! Even one of his twelve closest people was difficult to put up with. 

A) Adam - selfish
B) Cain - murdered his brother
C) Abraham - great man, but tricky, asked his wife to lie for him, etc. 
D) Sarah - despised Hagar
E) Jacob
F) Joseph's brothers - envious, controlling, threw Joseph in a pit to die
G) Judas
H) Peter - great guy, but denies Jesus repeatedly 
I) Alexander the Coppersmith (2 Tim)
J) Nabel - 1 Samuel 25

"We can become like our "tricky person" if we are not careful. We will match anger with anger, bitterness, etc. 
We must remind ourselves that the Lord is my banner, and His banner over me is love!" -Pam

Pam spent a lot of time with the example of Nabel and his wife Abigail - I was unfamiliar with this story in 1 Samuel. Go read 1 Samuel 25 - here's a link to the online passage. 

So Nabel, Abigail's husband, was a very tricky man. The bible says right there - he was mean. But Pam discussed how Nabel is NOT Abigail's story. She was bigger than him. 

Abigail speaks life, and changes the atmosphere. She knows who she is in Christ - her identity is not her husband. She compensated for her husband's weaknesses - but she did NOT enable them. She doesn't cover them up and say "Oh that's not what he meant." She walked in the truth. And yes, it turns out, Abigail married a fool, but she maintained respect because she had unconditional love, through the Lord. 

So to me, Abigail's story was eye-opening, but at the same time, hard to break down the steps for today's world. For starters, we don't ride donkeys or sheer sheep - not in my part of Houston, at least. So Pam gives us practical responses to those people in our lives who are total pain-in-the-tooshes. But I'm going to save those notes for the next post! 
(click here for part two)

to sign up for pam's fall study on tuesdays at 10 am, click here. childcare provided!