flying solo

I think you're changing the rules of the game, good sir. Are we playing hide & seek? I'm not really doing either of those - I cannot fathom how one "seeks" relationships or dates when you spend nearly 11 hours each day at a elementary school.

However, I'm by no means hiding. I've been trying to get out there, "play the game" if you will, and yet... dead ends.

I was obsessed with Matt Wertz's song "Counting to 100" for a few months, somewhere around sophomore year of college, and it was most played on my ipod for a short time. I remember playing it as Ifell asleep in an open air cabin at Camp Longhorn. Oh, now there's something I didn't appreciate nearly enough while I had it. CLH!

I know this time of singleness, of playing the field, or at times just keeping the bench warm, serves a purpose. I trust that there's a reason for it. And I try to be grateful, I recognize that if I was married at this point, Saturday night bike rides with Stephanie is not what my weekend evenings would look like. Every holiday with my family, no questions asked. Lights turn off when I am done reading, and they come on when I finally wake up, and not a second before. These seem superficial, but I know there are numerous blessings in this time period that I never expected, and I know I'm supposed to appreciate it. And I do! I have so many rich friendships because I find myself in a similiar "season of life" with wonderful, fun, adventurous people.

But I can't help and long for something else...not something more, that would imply single people are not 100%, and scripture tells us we have all we need, so...not something more, just something else.

There are days I think the hide & seek may never end, that I'll blow out thirty candles on a cake I make myself. There are days I think I've been flying solo so long I may forget how to share things, or to explain the weirdness of my family members, or even worse - that I may become one of those bitter people who stands around at weddings thinking, "when is my day coming? i hate her dress" when they should be thinking "aren't they young and in love and beautiful."

All of this to say, I admire Matt Wertz for blasting his thoughts about lonliness and soltitude in a song, and acknowledging that somedays it's very, very hard to fly solo.

I thought about not posting this, hesistant to share with the blogging community I'm single - hello, obvious!- but I have dozens and dozens of friends treading through the same joys and burdens of flying solo in theirtwenties...or thirties...or forties... does anyone know the number for the convent where Whoopi Goldberg is? I think Sister Mary Clarence and I could be great friends.

As always, thanks for reading. listen to the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zXS78esmIU&feature=related

Matt Wertz's Counting to 100
Never been much good on my own
So I'm tryin' to find somebody else
Never been good at findin' much except this
Loneliness all by myself
Spottin' you ain't been easy
I could use one hand, maybe two
Cause I got this spot right beside me baby
Waiting here just for you
So you go hide And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meetbecause
I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go hide
And I come seek
How much longer will this game go on
I guess summer time will tell
Cause I hate to hear that you're all alone
Overlooked in search of someone else
So you go hideAnd I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go Please show your face
Because I want you to be it...yeahI want you to be it