There is a hole there, a hole that cannot be filled, try as we may to fill it up. We cannot replace him, but we can honor his desire for us to continue to live life abundantly.
Admiration flows over for them: their willingness to not only survive but thrive in his absence. To think of him often, to hear his laughter in his brothers’ similar chuckle, to love each other well, to serve each other, to continue smiling.
He longs to pick up the phone and ask advice from his friend, to share a funny moment, to hear him talk, or simply breathe. It is a waste to attempt to understand why he is gone, but a joy to know where he has gone. The mountains and beauty of the places he took his family reveal a higher power, a creator, a love too deep to end life with something like a word “cancer.”
A sacrifice was made on a hill, and we trust in that, and know that “cancer” was just the beginning of something glorious. Glory.
There is a hole, a void, which will never be closed.
But there is a triumph in our lives as we press on, telling stories and repeating his name, clinging, not in a desperate way, but as she, his love Mary, models for us, in a holy, honorable, peaceful way.
Jay. His name is, at times, a battle cry. A challenge to take nothing for granted, not one day. To never fall asleep angry, to love who and what you love immensely.
His name is courage. Jay.
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