Daddy, I want this!
After Saturday tutorials a few weeks back, I ran into a Target near my house around noon. Naturally, the place was crawling with people of all ages, sizes, and races.
Whenever I enter the store, my usual policy is to avoid the dollar section. “Don’t even look over there!” I’ll tell myself as I whiz past, aiming to stick to my list and avoid frivolous spending. But today, I couldn’t help myself. Was I looking at a specific product, something awesome for class? Nope. A girl caught my attention, about five or six years old, in the cutest dress ever. She had bouncy hair cut to her shoulders and hot pink flat sandals on her feet.
Her flowery, ruffled dress was, in the words of my southern belle mother, “absolutely precious.” I couldn’t help but smile as I saw her, but continued to power-walk past, attempting to avoid the crowd of people near the dollar section. Then she cut right in front of me, oblivious to my presence or the dozens of other strangers around her.
“Daaaaaaddd---yyyyyyyy!” She yelled in a sing-song voice.
The girl had some sort of toy in her hand, possibly a sticker book, and was in a determined sprint towards her parents: her mom stood nearby with a basket, looking focused, and her dad was in between them, torn between waiting on his daughter and following his wife.
“Daaaaaddddyyyy, I REALLY WANT THIS! I WANT IT!” Her little feet pattered across the linoleum floor, barely missing my own toes. In her voice I could hear a bit of panic, as if she already feared him telling her no. I saw her dad’s face and immediately knew what his answer would be. He was very tall, and kind looking, but I’m sure he was about to tell her no. As I turned towards the school supply section and they headed to children’s shoes, a thought jumped in my head.
I am that little girl, I realized. Immediately, before I could stop my thoughts, I saw myself as her, running towards God, holding out a list of demands, most of which are “good,” demanding God give them over.
A job that is worthwhile. A guy worthy of kissing. Plans I’ve made to come through, like a house in the heights, or a vacation, or whatever I’m in need of that day. None of those are wrong to want, necessarily, but my approach, just like the girl, is all wrong. My approach is all wrong. If her parents love her, won’t they know the right time to buy sticker books and fun things from the dollar store? Unless they are ogres, I am sure that they provide her with more than she ever needed. That is clear to me as a third-party observer. Yet, I come before God, asking for things that I think – no, I know – will make me happy. Things I have to have! My trust, on a level of 1 and 10, fluctuates between a 3 and 5.
Haven’t I learned that our God is no ogre? Just like the girl’s parents, He is wise, has a plan, and is in charge for a reason. Though hard for me to see sometimes, I know the bible tells us this:
“The Lord says, ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” Jeremiah 31:3
And the Holy Spirit tells me that he is good, and real, and just. When I’m on a bicycle and the sun is setting, I know that there is a God and he’ll take care of me. When I see a child crying because someone has used horrible words with him, I trust that there is a healer better than a human, and that He knows my name.
Watching the girl, who looked cute and sweet, I realized – I need to change my actions with the Lord. I need to sit and be still. I need to seek His will, not mine. I need to internalize that it’s not really seeking His will to give him a list, and say, “if it’s your will, make it happen, good sir.” While I do not claim to have “heard a booming voice” –ever-and am not sure quite how to explain it, I believe whole-heartedly that if you listen, the higher-power in charge will present His way clearly, out of love.
I’ve had friends say, or myself experience..."okay but I can’t just sit and be quiet, I hear nothing." I think that concentrating on a verse, or listening to a hymn or worship song, or just seeking quiet time, you can be moved by the Holy Spirit. It is possible to find peace from a place that does not come from others who let us down, or other fleeting things of the world.
When I parked my car and carried my list into Target, I did not know that God was about to present me with such an in-your-face lesson. Who knew a young child in a flowery dress would remind me that I am selfish, self serving, proud, and claim to be wise? I am thankful for the grace I found that Saturday morning, and thankful that God hands out dozens, hundreds of “second chances” for me to stumble with through this thing called life.
No comments:
Post a Comment